Wednesday, January 12, 2011

It's OK When I Do It

Hello Internet.

Being that this is my first post on this blog (or any other blog for that matter), I think it best that I explain a bit about myself and my thought process. If you think what I say makes sense, that's great. If you don't; even better.

First of all, my bullshit/hypocrite-o-meter is extremely sharp and I will instantly call anyone on anything that even gives the needle a slight bump. This is not to say that I don't offer the world a lot of my own bullshit or hypocritical things. But, as the title states, "It's OK When I Do It."

Take Google, for example. For at least the first 3 years it was in existence (at least that I knew of it) I refused to utilize the popular search engine. Did I like Metacrawler or whatever crap ass alternatives I had available to me at the time better? No. It just drove me insane that Google was used so often as a verb. Seriously, when else has the name of a company became a verb for the function of that company's product? (If anyone says Xerox I'm going to go crazy cause that's the same damn thing. It's called making a copy you ass-hat.) Never before Google did anyone say, "I don't know what the Guinness Record for most douche bags in one room is, I'll 'Metacrawler' it!" I held this notion for quite some time until I decided to actually try using Google one time while writing a paper in college. Holy shit, I realized that site is about 1000 times better than Yahoo! or any of the other crap I was trying to use. Therefore it's now fine for me and people around me to use Google. If you try to use it as a verb, however, I still find myself fighting a primal urge to gouge your eyes out.

The next example is something that is totally acceptable for me to do and completely unacceptable for anyone else to do unless they're with me.

When you do it, it's called being a Lane Weasel. When I do it, it's called being a smart driver. You know what I'm talking about. When a lane on the highway is closing and there are signs urging everyone to merge, I'm the guy who smartly stays in that lane until the last possible second and smoothly squeezes into the next lane. However, if I happen to be in the existing lane and the lane next to me is closing and some asshole thinks he can cut me off, NO WAY. I'm going to do everything I can to keep that Lane Weasel from cheating the honor code of politely merging. There is a difference between the two examples above and if you dont see it you haven't been paying attention. See where this is going? It's OK when I do it.


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